This post is an April Fools from April 1st 2017. Nothing in this post is true, everything is FAKE. I hope you got a good laugh!
It got mixed reactions on Facebook and I had a good time reading it. ^_-
See them here.
GACKT has always been a mystery to me, but this made me literally choke on my coffee.
Early this morning, GACKT announced a new product that he has – according to himself – been working on for more than 15 years. It’s a body cream called “V|essence” which also can be orally consumed, making “man stronger” and “woman more beautiful”. GACKT’s idea to the formula leads back to his early years in Malice Mizer when his brooding about youth and eternal life was at its peak.
GACKT has been interviewed by Asahi Shimbun, one of Japans leading newspapers:
“I am a child of the night. Vampires have special powers. It’s now time for me to share this power.”
“V|essence” stands for “Vampire Essence” and you will never guess what the formula contains.
“It’s a well-balanced mixture of Japanese herbs and oils. But the most important ingredient is sperm. My sperm.”
I’ve run into articles before concerning people who claim that sperm has a beautifying effect as skin treatment, but I would never believe that a celebrity like GACKT would commercialize the concept. Do every bottle really contain sperms specifically from GACKT?
“Every bottle. I started to freeze my sperms already in the early 90s. I knew my little swimmers were special. Even since my early teenage years. My essence is strong and elastic and has a pleasant taste.”
At age 43, GACKT has been more or less manic concerning his own training and youth.
“I wouldn’t look like this if it wouldn’t be for ‘V|essence’. It makes man stronger and woman more beautiful. For ultimate effect you can consume the product. One spoonful every morning. If you put it on your scalp it also makes you more intelligent.”
For me, this sounds like mumbo jumbo, but there are well known celebrities that support GACKT’s business. GACKT revealed that his friend and colleague Hyde (L’arc~En~Ciel, VAMPS) has been using his product since the very beginning and I must confess that Hyde is a man that simply doesn’t age much.
“Me and Hyde spent a lot of time together while making the movie ‘Moon Child’ in 2003. He became my brother and I wanted to share my secret with him. He has been my most loyal costumer since.”
Asahi Shimbun: “How long will you be able to run this business, since it’s dependent on your own body’s vitality?”
GACKT: “I have always been very productive, in all means. I have a lot more love to give, for a long time.”
Irrespective of this product’s actual effect, this might become a multi-million business since women (and men) all over the world are probably willing to pay big money for the “essence of GACKT”. One jar contains 50ml and will cost 4000 yen. The product hits the market in June 2017.
Asahi Shimbun: “Aren’t you afraid that women might use this product to fertilize themselves with your sperm?”
GACKT: “If that is possible I don’t see any problem with that. I embrace a world blessed with my DNA.”
The article ends with a question concerning possible side-effects.
“The only side effect that is problematic is when combined with dairy food. It might cause intense diarrhea and increased growth of hair on your earlobes. But dairy food is unhealthy anyway, so let it be and you will be OK.”
And of course this post is an April Fools. This is FAKE. GACKT has not started a business of a body cream containing his own sperm. V|essence does not exist. I hope you can share my sense of humor and I apologize if anyone got tricked or upset and when it comes to GACKT… he has pranked so many people himself that I think he can take this one. 😛 GACKT has been an amazing artist for many many years and I respect his work. All love to GACKT.
Happy April everyone. ❤
Malize Micer (leader and vocalist)
- Vo. Gackt → cains:feel!(Dr→Vo) → MALICE MIZER → Gackt(solo) → GACKT(solo), S.K.I.N., YELLOW FRIED CHICKENz → GACKT(solo)
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